Remembering
This morning I attended a memorial for a man I didn’t know very well. He was my contact at a vendor we used at my last job (last office job, that is). While I didn’t interact with him much, he did teach me a lot about the business we were in. He was patient, kind, honest, and really fun to work with. He was very close to my bosses and they had been friends for years and years. I heard he passed away at only 48 years old last week leaving behind a beautiful wife whom he loved dearly and two college age kids. I learned of the memorial in the same email that told me he had passed away and even though I didn’t know him that well, I knew I needed to go. Driving to the church this morning I still didn’t know why I needed to be there.
Upon arriving at the church, it dawned on me that I was going to be in a church full of people I didn’t know and I became pretty nervous. Couple that with the fact I was going to a Church and I was shaking by the time I walked through the door. I kept an eye out for any of my past co-workers, but I wasn’t sure they were going to attend so my thoughts turned to my past employers. I knew they would be there. One of them had been asked to speak. I never did see them before we had to settle into our seats. I’m sure they were running interference for the family as that’s typically left up to the close friends of the departed at the memorial.
It was a really great service, I must say. I cried through the whole thing and my ex-boss (I hate calling him that) said some very moving and wonderfully kind things about his friend and his family. Near the end of the service I had such a feeling of peace come over me and I knew that whatever it was that drove me there had been satisfied. I know that’s vague, but I can’t say more because I don’t know any more than that. Sometimes, that just how life is, I guess. I can’t know the answers to everything, I just need to follow my gut and trust that a greater good has been served with my actions of faith.
Even though I don’t go to church anymore, I do have faith and I do pray. I’ve been praying for this man and his family and friends for a few days now. It was good to see them and put a face with my thoughts and prayers, to be able to picture them being blessed because of the hundreds, perhaps thousands of people sending so much peaceful energy their way. My heart still hurts for the family and friends left behind, but it rejoices for the man who’s passed on to an existence I can’t even begin to imagine.
I want to post another quote today. This one is from the Bible…his daughter said she read this the night before he had his stroke… it struck me in the face and I lost my breath for a moment when she finished reading it….
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Sometimes I forget how supernatural God can be, shoot, how supernatural he is. I love to investigate and learn about the spiritual things in this world, but I need to be reminded (often) that he’s here with us in every breath with knowledge of what is coming the next few seconds, days, months… he can prepare us and usually does with little nudges and whispers. She was comforted by that verse just as I have been comforted in the past, but I realized today that I had forgotten this. I had closed my eyes and ears to these things and didn’t even realize it. I feel kind of foolish about that when I’m completely honest with myself… I discovered today that I need to make some changes so stay tuned, it’s going to get interesting around here.
Ok, that was heavier than the usual post so I need to lighten this up a bit before I go… guess what? WE HAVE FISHES! 
More on that tomorrow…. just know that we have an adorable collection of saltwater fishies and various under-the-sea creatures in our living room just kicking it, living their little aquatic lives. It’s pretty cool. Ok, so it’s only one fish, but he’s a freaking cool clown fish just like Nemo and I need to go name him. He kind of looks like a Frank….Oh, and there’s snails and a shrimp, too. I have lots of naming to do…
Life is weird
Most of you know already that my husband was laid off from his job this week. It’s been a bit of a roller coaster over the last few days. Things are on an upswing now as he’s got some leads (but would welcome more if you have any, hint hint), but it’s hard to know where tomorrow will take us. I have to say I’m pretty upset about the way things went with his “exit”, and you can read more about it at his site but what can you do… life sucks sometimes and then you move on.
I have had a feeling for a while that something like this was going to happen, I just wasn’t expecting THIS. Although, I have to admit that it seems like everytime we’ve faced a carpet-out-from-under-us event like this, we come out on top and believe me, we’ve faced quite a few in our time together. We seem to thrive under pressure and I think that’s pretty special. It’s also when I see my husband at his best and most real. He’s got an amazing ability to work through really tough times and come out looking so graceful and resilient. It’s one of the things I admire about him. That’s not to say that this won’t be an uphill climb (or that it will be, for that matter), but at least I can face it knowing from years of experience that it’s all going to be behind us someday and we’ll be all the better for it.
It’s at these times that I remember there is always a greater plan at work. The universe always has reason for what happens. Two months ago I was cursing the fact that my business had quite horribly crashed and I was back in the workforce. Wednesday I was quite honestly thanking God that had happened because I have a steady job that pays a decent wage. I remembered a line from one of my favorite songs (How Could I Ask for More) by Cindy Morgan the other day when I was still digesting all of this. It’s very simple and it goes, “Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise”. I think it’s the either the meter of the phrase or the way the words blend or maybe the spirit with which they were written shining through, but it gives me such peace to hear and say it. I now pass it on to you and wish you the same…
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